by Debra | Jun 16, 2026
How to Stop Avoiding Your Feelings and Start Healing
Do you struggle with the avoidance of feelings or exploding when emotions hit?
Most people handle potent emotions in one of two unhealthy ways: exploding in rage or complaints, or suppressing and bottling them up inside.
But there’s a better path—acknowledging feelings without denial or projection. This approach promotes true healing and personal growth.
Why Avoiding Your Feelings Hurts You
When we project feelings outward through anger or blame, we amplify the same negative emotions rather than releasing them. When we bottle feelings up, they stew inside our bodies, creating stress and unresolved pain that surfaces in other ways—through anxiety, tension, or patterns we keep repeating without understanding why.
Both methods prevent healing. Neither one lets the feeling move through you.
The Power of Acknowledging Your Feelings
Acknowledging a feeling means letting yourself understand it and process it fully. Our instinct is to avoid that or push through it as quickly as possible. With practice, though, acknowledgment becomes more natural than avoidance—and the relief it brings is lasting rather than temporary.
Here is how I work through this with clients, and how I practice it myself.
My 4-Step Process for Emotional Healing
- Name the trigger without the story. Stick to the facts of what happened. Leave out the interpretation for now.
- Examine your beliefs. What old story are you telling yourself about this situation? Where did that story come from?
- Feel the sensations. Notice where the emotion lives in your body. Chest tightness, a lump in your throat, heaviness in your shoulders – this is important information.
- Observe your ego’s action. Your ego will want to blame someone, fix something, or escape. Instead, pause. Watch the impulse without acting on it.
The Connection to Childhood Wounds
Many of the most intense feelings we carry are not really about what is happening right now. They stem from childhood wounds—what I call “ouches”—that never fully healed. Your ego points to the current situation as the cause, but stepping back often reveals the real source goes much deeper.
When you acknowledge feelings rather than avoid them, you begin healing those old patterns instead of reinforcing them. That is where the real shift happens.
My goal—and what I help my clients work toward—is to wake up and evolve into the best version of ourselves. Acting out or avoiding feelings blocks that growth. When you acknowledge emotions directly, you gain self-awareness, reduce stress, and accelerate your healing in ways that surprise you.
Start small today. What is one feeling you have been avoiding that you could simply name and sit with?
Ready to Go Deeper?
If you are ready to shift from fear to love and transform the way you work with your feelings, I would love to support you. My Individual Retreats go right to the heart of this work—helping you move through what has been stuck, often for years. You can also learn more about the soul retrieval process and what to expect.
I also work with couples, mothers and daughters, and parents and teens who are ready to heal together. Both in-person retreats in Sedona and virtual sessions are available.
Reach out today to explore what love, peace, and awakening can look like for you.
Warmly, Debra
by Debra | Apr 13, 2026
Taking a deeper look at Spirituality, beyond belief and identity.
Spirituality has evolved and expanded over time, and today it can mean very different things to different people.
For some, spirituality is rooted in a belief in God through religion or spiritual tradition. For others, spirituality has little to do with organized religion and more to do with personal experience—connecting inward through meditation, prayer, time in nature, or quiet reflection.
While the paths may look different, many people are searching for the same thing: meaning, connection, and a sense of peace.
When “Spiritual” Doesn’t Look Like Love
I live in a community that proudly identifies as very spiritual. Yet when I observe in others and myself behaviors rooted in judgment, anger, and a lack of compassion, I find myself questioning what spirituality truly means.
If spirituality is genuine, shouldn’t it show up in how we treat one another?
To me, spirituality isn’t about appearances, labels, or spiritual language. It’s about awareness—a moment-by-moment practice of waking up to love, truth, and God.
Spirituality as Inner Responsibility
True spirituality begins when we stop blaming others for how we feel or buying into the stories the Ego tells us to keep us feeling separate.
When something triggers me, I’ve learned that it’s not actually about the situation or other person. It’s an invitation to look inward. Instead of projecting fear through judgment or anger, spirituality asks us to pause and become curious about the emotions rising within us.
This inner work—feeling instead of reacting—is where healing happens.
The situation that triggers me isn’t happening to me. It’s happening for me.
Every trigger is an opportunity to heal fear and choose love.
Fear Blocks Love and Trust
When we move into fear, love cannot be present. And when love is absent, God cannot be present either.
Fear disconnects us from trust. It pulls us out of faith and into control, blame, and resistance. In those moments, our belief that life is unfolding exactly as it should disappears.
Spirituality, however, invites us to remember a deeper truth: growth often arrives through discomfort.
Spirituality isn’t about never getting triggered. It’s about what we do when we are.
Do we react, judge, and blame?
Or do we slow down, turn inward, and respond with compassion?
Each moment gives us a choice—fear or love, reaction or awareness. That choice, made again and again, is where spirituality truly lives.
Ready to Deepen Your Healing?
If you’re ready to shift from fear to love and transform the way you communicate, I invite you to explore Family Retreats, Couples Retreats or a Mother Daughter Retreat, or look into Mentoring sessions with Sedona Soul Retrieval. Reach out today to begin creating more peace, clarity, and connection in your relationships. I also work with parents and teens.
Sign up for a Free Consult and explore what Love, Peace and Awakening can look like for you.
Warmly Debra
by Debra | Feb 9, 2026
Do We All Have Trauma?
I have been studying trauma and its lifelong effects for many years, including the work of Dr. Gabor Maté. If you haven’t watched his documentary The Wisdom of Trauma, I highly recommend it. The film shows that trauma isn’t just what happens to you — it’s also what you needed and did not receive.
Trauma Is More Than Abuse
Many people think trauma only happens through physical, emotional, or sexual abuse. But trauma can form any time a child feels unseen, overwhelmed, or disconnected — even when their parents love them.
For example, some parents use the “cry it out” method, believing it teaches independence. When the baby stops crying, they often assume the approach worked.
Dr. Maté explains that the baby stops because their nervous system shuts down from exhaustion, not because they learned to self-soothe. The child’s brain protects them by disconnecting — a survival response that can turn into emotional withdrawal later in life.
How Trauma Develops in Modern Society
Childhood experiences shape us deeply, but they’re only one part of the trauma picture. Dr. Maté also highlights the trauma that arises from cultural pressures, lack of support, and the overwhelming stress many families face.
Imagine a single mother working two jobs. She loves her baby, but her limited time and support make it hard to meet every emotional need. The baby spends long hours without consistent connection and begins to adapt by not expecting much.
This adaptation isn’t a lack of love — it’s a result of a society that gives parents responsibility without support.
Our culture values productivity more than presence. It encourages parents to push through exhaustion and children to hide their emotions. Over time, many adults grow up feeling disconnected from themselves because they never learned how to express or understand their emotional world.
Why So Many Adults Feel Disconnected
Dr. Maté teaches that trauma disconnects us from our authenticity. Many adults feel lost or overwhelmed because:
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They learned to “be good” instead of feeling their emotions.
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Their caregivers were stressed or unavailable.
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They were rewarded for staying quiet, strong, or self-reliant.
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Teachers, doctors, and other professionals weren’t trained in trauma-informed care.
Parents usually do what they know. They repeat what they were taught. None of this makes them bad — it simply means they didn’t have the tools.
But once we become adults, we have the power to heal what we didn’t receive.
Inner-Child Work Helps You Reconnect
Inner-child healing gives you a safe way to revisit early emotional wounds and reconnect with the parts of yourself that adapted to survive. This work helps you:
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Identify unmet needs from childhood
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Understand the coping patterns you developed
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Break cycles of disconnection or shutdown
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Strengthen your relationships and boundaries
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Reclaim your authentic voice
We cannot change our childhood. But we can change how those experiences live inside us now.
How Retreat Work Supports Deep Healing
In every retreat I lead — whether it’s individual, couples, or mother-daughter work — I guide clients through trauma-informed inner-child healing.
When people finally understand the roots of their patterns, their lives begin to shift. They reconnect with their younger selves, soften old defenses, and open up to new possibilities in their relationships.
Healing happens when you give yourself permission to look inward with compassion instead of judgment. You begin to understand your story, not blame yourself for it.
We all carry wounds.
We all have an inner child waiting to be seen, heard, and supported.
And when we finally turn toward that younger part of ourselves, transformation begins.
If you’re interested in finding ways to heal and bring calm and presence into your life sign up for my FREE CONSULT here.
Warmly, Debra
by Debra | Jun 12, 2025
Have you ever asked yourself: Do I truly love and accept who I am—mistakes and all?
Too often, we label our actions (and ourselves) as “good” or “bad.” This kind of black-and-white thinking comes from what some call the “lower mind”—the part of us that judges rather than understands. Yes, our choices shape our lives, and some lead us down paths we wouldn’t choose again. But even those missteps can become powerful lessons that contribute to our growth.
When a decision results in pain, regret, or discomfort, it doesn’t mean you’re bad—it means you’re human. What matters is what you do next. Rather than beat yourself up, try this instead:
Acknowledge the choice. Learn from it. Forgive yourself. Then move forward with new awareness.
Many of us were raised hearing, “Be a good girl” or “Don’t be bad.” Whether said directly or implied through disapproval, these early messages taught us to judge ourselves harshly. Even if your parents didn’t use those exact words, you may still have internalized the sense that something about you needed fixing. That constant pressure to be “better” can linger, shaping how you see yourself today.
Here’s the truth: You’re not here to be perfect. You’re here to evolve.
The real opportunity lies in looking closely at the choices that didn’t serve you—and understanding why. When we simply label ourselves as good or bad, we shut down curiosity and compassion. But when we choose to explore what we really wanted, and how we might approach things differently next time, we grow.
So, the next time you feel self-judgment creeping in, pause. Ask yourself:
- What outcome was I hoping for?
- What need was I trying to meet?
- What can I do differently now—with love and self-respect?
Self-acceptance isn’t about letting yourself off the hook. It’s about learning without shame.
You’re not bad. You’re becoming.
If you’re struggling to find that self-love, or if you’re stuck in old patterns that keep repeating, you’re not alone. My retreats and one-on-one mentoring are designed to help you uncover what’s holding you back—whether it’s through an individual intensive, a couples retreat, pre-marital retreat or a mother-daughter experience. If you have a teen, check out my mother/teen daughter retreats! You’ll walk away with a clearer path, a lighter heart, and a deeper connection to yourself.
If you have a teen, or a friend with a teen, check out my other website EmpoweredTeensandParents.com. It is a great resource for handling the tough teenage years more consciously.
And I’m excited to announce… the release date for my latest book is 7/7/25! This book is for parents of teens, although any parent would benefit. It’s called: What If Your Teen Isn’t the Problem? A Guide to Conscious Parenting. More about that soon!
Book a FREE Consult
Adult Mother Daughter Retreat Testimonial
“I can’t thank you enough for all you have done for me and my daughter. Having a “young adult” child move to the other side of the country while trying to resolve issues is needless to say challenging. When I was looking for an adult mother-daughter retreat online, I came across your website. Our expectations were exceeded. I loved that your retreat was so personal. The “one on one” sessions truly helped me see that my daughter was an adult and on her own journey. We both felt so comfortable talking to you. You were non-judgemental and so intuitive. You gave us both tools to use in life, not only with each other but with anyone we have a relationship with. Especially our own “little girls. The beautiful setting of Sedona and the activities you planned for us were the icing on the cake. We resolved so many issues and re-bonded emotionally and spiritually. I can truthfully say that we are closer now than ever. We have a new found respect for each other. My daughter and I needed this so badly. I have tears in my eyes again while writing to you. (and I am not a cryer) We love you and thank you for everything. With gratitude,” – Jill, Mother
Love, Debra
by Debra | Sep 21, 2015
At one point in my life I started noticing that important relationships were starting to crumble and eventually would come to an end. I thought that I would be completely friendless and totally all alone. What happened was, as I continued to grow and evolve, the people in my life either shifted or went away. The main reason for this was because I was being more authentic and they either chose to be as well or projected their triggers onto me. If they continued to project their triggers, blame me and not own their part, I would either decide not to spend as much time with them, if any at all, or they would organically leave the relationship because they couldn’t stop blaming me.
Either way, the relationship shifts, and that’s a good thing. Even though at the time, it was brutal for me. What made it brutal was what my little girl/thoughts were saying about the situation. This is how it sounded inside my head:
“You did something wrong; you’re not good enough; you’re going to be alone forever; etc.”
If I choose to buy into my little girl’s thoughts/old beliefs, I will stay in relationships that don’t serve me, or quite frankly, the other person either. When you let go of relationships like this, first you start to shift all those old beliefs; second, you open up a space for more conscious relationships to come in.
The transition is tough because the aloneness can feel so sad, empty and full of hurt. When you are feeling these feelings, you just have to be careful what your little girl/thoughts start telling you what to do, like, “Make them understand; just stay in the relationship and see things their way; don’t speak your truth.” OUCH! This is where you have to not take the action of the little girl, know that everything is going to be okay, and just be with the feelings coming up. This is where an individual retreat can help show you how.
The only way to shift old beliefs is to be able to be with the feelings, not to take the action of the little girl and let it go and let it be.
This is easier said than done, but it is completely doable.
by Debra | May 4, 2015
Happiness seems to be something we are all trying our best to achieve. One way or another we want to:
- Avoid pain and gain pleasure
- Avoid criticism and get praise
- Avoid disgrace and have fame
- Avoid loss and achieve gain
Is it possible to be happy and never be sad?
The problem is, life is a roller coaster ride of ups and downs. We can’t experience pleasure without experiencing pain. We are always grasping for feeling good, not bad, and this just isn’t possible living in the real world. Things are going to happen in life that are disturbing and things are going to happen that put a big smile on our face.
In my individual retreat you will learn to see what you are clinging to and what you are trying to avoid. You will get to explore these parts of you that make you suffer, the old beliefs that are keeping you stuck.
What makes you feel good and what makes you feel bad?
I was talking with a client the other day and she was having difficulty with allowing herself to actually just be with her feelings of sadness. First off, she didn’t want to feel them, and secondly she felt weak for having them. Because she had guilt and shame around feeling sad, she would medicate to not feel them. Cleaning her house was her medicator. I can certainly think of worse medicators, but non-the-less it is an avoidance of feeling.
Why are we so opposed to feeling our feelings?
We avoid feeling our feelings because it’s so totally uncomfortable. Our mind goes off into our story, we start feeling crummy, and then it settles in our body. We might get a stomachache, headache, or not be able to eat. The feelings permeate our physical body. This is why we avoid them. There is nothing comfortable about feelings of sadness, loneliness, or hopelessness, etc. Sometimes feelings of anger feel good in the moment because they cover up the real feeling of sadness. Once we are done with our anger we will usually be left with the raw feelings of sadness.
In my individual retreat you get to explore your feelings and why they come up and learn how to be with them without feeling like you might die. Sometimes the feelings are so overwhelming that you will feel like you are dying.
Hence the avoidance!
The problem with avoiding your feelings is you never shift your old belief causing the feelings. So, you might as well get your hands dirty and start looking at your stuff. When we look at what causes the feelings, we give ourselves the attention and care we need to do our healing work and actually diminish the heat that is in the feelings.
Are you ready to make a shift in your life and start facing your feelings? My individual retreat will give you the opportunity to be in a nurturing environment, working one-on-one, shifting your old beliefs, feeling your feelings, and changing your life.
Taking a deeper look at Spirituality, beyond belief and identity.
Have you ever asked yourself: Do I truly love and accept who I am—mistakes and all?
Our expectations were exceeded. I loved that your retreat was so personal. The “one on one” sessions truly helped me see that my daughter was an adult and on her own journey. We both felt so comfortable talking to you. You were non-judgemental and so intuitive. You gave us both tools to use in life, not only with each other but with anyone we have a relationship with. Especially our own “little girls. The beautiful setting of Sedona and the activities you planned for us were the icing on the cake. We resolved so many issues and re-bonded emotionally and spiritually. I can truthfully say that we are closer now than ever. We have a new found respect for each other. My daughter and I needed this so badly. I have tears in my eyes again while writing to you. (and I am not a cryer) We love you and thank you for everything. With gratitude,” – Jill, Mother
