by Debra | Mar 30, 2026
How to tell the difference between real healing
or spiritual bypassing
There is a lot being said right now in the spiritual and personal growth space about letting go, rising above, and not identifying with the ego.
And while there is truth in that… There is also confusion, because not everything that looks like healing, is healing. Sometimes, it’s bypassing.
What Is Spiritual Bypassing, Really?
Spiritual bypassing isn’t just one thing. It’s not just a concept—it can be a pattern of avoiding our feelings through many different practices that appear to be leveling up or waking up.
It can show up in many forms:
- spiritual teachings through gurus
- religious beliefs
- personal development work
- even in recovery spaces like Alcoholics Anonymous
Bypassing is anything we use on the outside to avoid going inside.
It sounds like:
- “Just let it go”
- “It’s all ego”
- “The world is an illusion”
- “stay positive to vibe high”
And again—those ideas can be true on a certain level.
But if they are used to avoid what you are actually feeling…they stop being healing
and start becoming disconnection.
Why Understanding Isn’t the Same as Healing
You can understand something logically or spiritually…
…and still be triggered emotionally.
You can say: “This is just my ego”…but still feel:
- hurt
- reactive
- defensive
- overwhelmed
That’s because feelings don’t come from nowhere.
They come from:
- your emotional body
- your belief systems
- your past experiences
And those don’t shift just because you push it away and tell yourself a new thought.
You Are Not Here to Override Your Feelings
Yes, there is a perspective that says:
“The world is an illusion.”
But you are still here having a human experience.
And in that experience:
- your feelings matter
- your reactions are information
- your patterns are pointing to something
Healing is not just saying the right spiritual words.
An important part of healing is understanding:
- Why do I feel this way?
- What belief is underneath this?
- What is this trying to show me?
We are still in the physical body for a reason- to see and utilize our triggers, understand where they are coming from, and then consciously choose to make shifts to find our way back to love.
What Real Healing Actually Looks Like
Real healing is not about staying stuck in our wounds.
It’s about being willing to work with them.
It looks like:
- noticing your triggers instead of denying them
- taking responsibility for your reactions
- exploring the beliefs driving your behavior
- allowing emotions to be named, felt and moved, instead of suppressing them
Over time, this creates real change—not just temporary relief.
A Grounded Way to Look at “High Vibe” and “Low Vibe”
There is a lot of talk about vibration.
But let’s simplify it in a real, grounded way.
Low vibration is not about having feelings.
It’s about how you show up inside those feelings.
Low vibe can look like:
- being self-centered or self-serving
- not considering how your actions impact others
- staying in blame
- avoiding responsibility
- not being willing to look at yourself honestly
High vibration isn’t pretending everything is fine.
It’s:
- self-awareness
- taking responsibility and being accountable for our actions and where we fall short
- emotional honesty
- and the willingness to grow
The Difference in One Sentence
Spiritual bypassing says: “This shouldn’t be here.”
Real healing says: “This is here—for my higher learning to heal.”
If you’ve ever found yourself trying to “rise above” something that still feels active inside of you…
Pause.
You’re not doing it wrong. You may simply be at a place where something deeper is asking for your attention.
That’s not dysfunction. That’s the doorway to real healing!
At Sedona Soul Retrieval, we help you reclaim the parts of yourself that learned love must be earned. Through guided healing and embodied presence, you can release inherited family beliefs and reconnect with your innate belonging. We aren’t here to “fix” you—we are here to help you remember who you are.
Ready to Break the Cycle?
Whether you are navigating a difficult partnership or a mother-daughter estrangement, healing begins with awareness.
Schedule a Free Consultation Here to explore retreat options or individual mentoring. Let’s transform your relationships together with awareness and love.
Warmly, Debra
by Debra | Feb 9, 2026
Do We All Have Trauma?
I have been studying trauma and its lifelong effects for many years, including the work of Dr. Gabor Maté. If you haven’t watched his documentary The Wisdom of Trauma, I highly recommend it. The film shows that trauma isn’t just what happens to you — it’s also what you needed and did not receive.
Trauma Is More Than Abuse
Many people think trauma only happens through physical, emotional, or sexual abuse. But trauma can form any time a child feels unseen, overwhelmed, or disconnected — even when their parents love them.
For example, some parents use the “cry it out” method, believing it teaches independence. When the baby stops crying, they often assume the approach worked.
Dr. Maté explains that the baby stops because their nervous system shuts down from exhaustion, not because they learned to self-soothe. The child’s brain protects them by disconnecting — a survival response that can turn into emotional withdrawal later in life.
How Trauma Develops in Modern Society
Childhood experiences shape us deeply, but they’re only one part of the trauma picture. Dr. Maté also highlights the trauma that arises from cultural pressures, lack of support, and the overwhelming stress many families face.
Imagine a single mother working two jobs. She loves her baby, but her limited time and support make it hard to meet every emotional need. The baby spends long hours without consistent connection and begins to adapt by not expecting much.
This adaptation isn’t a lack of love — it’s a result of a society that gives parents responsibility without support.
Our culture values productivity more than presence. It encourages parents to push through exhaustion and children to hide their emotions. Over time, many adults grow up feeling disconnected from themselves because they never learned how to express or understand their emotional world.
Why So Many Adults Feel Disconnected
Dr. Maté teaches that trauma disconnects us from our authenticity. Many adults feel lost or overwhelmed because:
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They learned to “be good” instead of feeling their emotions.
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Their caregivers were stressed or unavailable.
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They were rewarded for staying quiet, strong, or self-reliant.
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Teachers, doctors, and other professionals weren’t trained in trauma-informed care.
Parents usually do what they know. They repeat what they were taught. None of this makes them bad — it simply means they didn’t have the tools.
But once we become adults, we have the power to heal what we didn’t receive.
Inner-Child Work Helps You Reconnect
Inner-child healing gives you a safe way to revisit early emotional wounds and reconnect with the parts of yourself that adapted to survive. This work helps you:
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Identify unmet needs from childhood
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Understand the coping patterns you developed
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Break cycles of disconnection or shutdown
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Strengthen your relationships and boundaries
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Reclaim your authentic voice
We cannot change our childhood. But we can change how those experiences live inside us now.
How Retreat Work Supports Deep Healing
In every retreat I lead — whether it’s individual, couples, or mother-daughter work — I guide clients through trauma-informed inner-child healing.
When people finally understand the roots of their patterns, their lives begin to shift. They reconnect with their younger selves, soften old defenses, and open up to new possibilities in their relationships.
Healing happens when you give yourself permission to look inward with compassion instead of judgment. You begin to understand your story, not blame yourself for it.
We all carry wounds.
We all have an inner child waiting to be seen, heard, and supported.
And when we finally turn toward that younger part of ourselves, transformation begins.
If you’re interested in finding ways to heal and bring calm and presence into your life sign up for my FREE CONSULT here.
Warmly, Debra
by Debra | Nov 17, 2014
Acting on our fear. What are the consequences?
“Once there was a young warrior. Her teacher told her that she had to do battle with fear. She didn’t want to do that. It seemed too aggressive; it was scary; it seemed unfriendly. But the teacher said she had to do it and gave her the instructions for the battle. The day arrived. The student warrior stood on one side, and fear stood on the other. The warrior was feeling very small, and fear was looking big and wrathful. They both had their weapons. The young warrior roused herself and went toward fear, prostrated three times, and asked, “May I have permission to go into battle with you?” Fear said, “Thank you for showing me so much respect that you ask permission.” Then the young warrior said, “How can I defeat you?” Fear replied, “My weapons are that I talk fast, and I get very close to your face. Then you get completely unnerved, and you do whatever I say. If you don’t do what I tell you, I have no power. You can listen to me, and you can have respect for me. You can even be convinced by me. But if you don’t do what I say, I have no power.” In that way, the student warrior learned how to defeat fear. ”
― Pema Chödrön, When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times
I love this Quote from Pema Chödrön. A client sent it to me because it resonated with her so deeply. Understanding our old beliefs is great, but the most important part of overcoming and shifting our fear is not doing what it says.
The fear shows up when we are operating out of our lower self (limited belief system.) Maybe something happens at work and someone gets the promotion that we thought we deserve. Fear comes up because our belief system might be saying, “We aren’t good enough; we are never going to get a promotion; we are never going to make enough money and we might starve to death and die.” That’s very dramatic! Our little girl’s fears are very dramatic and intense.
The action you might want to take is to storm into your manager’s office and give him a piece of your mind. This is where you get to make a decision for yourself that is either strengthening your old belief and buying into the fear or not taking the action your lower self/little girl is pushing you to take. When we don’t take the action, the old belief causing the fear has no power.
When you get triggered and fear comes up, stop and pause and go inward and look at what the fear is saying and the action it wants you to take, and don’t listen to it no matter what!
Feed the fire you want to keep burning!
by Debra | Apr 17, 2014
I used to be the gal who said, “Put the house on my back. I can carry it.”
I lost my mother when I was 26-years-old, my children were 4 and 5 years old, and I went into survival mode. I am a doer; I get things done, sometimes at any cost. The problem with operating this way is the price my health and nervous system paid.
Today, I know better, or I thought I did. That get- it- done- fast, do- it- right way of being crept back in my life into my meditation and processing. I noticed that I was being a bit aggressive with my practice and I was experiencing some anxiety. The funny thing is that I do know better. I know the best way to meditate and process through things in my life are through having compassion and slowing things down. This reminded me of how easy it is to revert back into old patterns and habits. It took a couple of days for me to realize this because I thought that it was a good thing to be so disciplined with my practice. Discipline is one thing, but cracking the whip is quite the other.
So, I had to look at what was coming up for me. What fear was making me want to move through my process fast and become enlightened now? Checking in with my old belief system, I noticed that it was tapping into the one where I always feel like I’m doing something wrong. After recognizing the feelings as anxiety and identifying this old belief, I was able to be with it and eventually let it go.
Sitting with these feelings of anxiety was not easy. I wanted to get busy, call a friend, do anything to distract me from the feelings I was having. But I made myself stay and feel them, and they did pass. It’s so important to realize how automatic our old beliefs slip back in, and how, if we are asleep, we may not even recognize how unconscious we were.
This is why it is so important to slow things down and pay attention; pay attention to what we are feeling, how we are behaving, and how fast we are moving. Throughout the day, stop yourself and pause and take 3 big, deep breaths, and be still. Then go about your day. Do this many times to connect with yourself and slow things down.
How to tell the difference between real healing
