by Debra | Apr 13, 2026
Taking a deeper look at Spirituality, beyond belief and identity.
Spirituality has evolved and expanded over time, and today it can mean very different things to different people.
For some, spirituality is rooted in a belief in God through religion or spiritual tradition. For others, spirituality has little to do with organized religion and more to do with personal experience—connecting inward through meditation, prayer, time in nature, or quiet reflection.
While the paths may look different, many people are searching for the same thing: meaning, connection, and a sense of peace.
When “Spiritual” Doesn’t Look Like Love
I live in a community that proudly identifies as very spiritual. Yet when I observe in others and myself behaviors rooted in judgment, anger, and a lack of compassion, I find myself questioning what spirituality truly means.
If spirituality is genuine, shouldn’t it show up in how we treat one another?
To me, spirituality isn’t about appearances, labels, or spiritual language. It’s about awareness—a moment-by-moment practice of waking up to love, truth, and God.
Spirituality as Inner Responsibility
True spirituality begins when we stop blaming others for how we feel or buying into the stories the Ego tells us to keep us feeling separate.
When something triggers me, I’ve learned that it’s not actually about the situation or other person. It’s an invitation to look inward. Instead of projecting fear through judgment or anger, spirituality asks us to pause and become curious about the emotions rising within us.
This inner work—feeling instead of reacting—is where healing happens.
The situation that triggers me isn’t happening to me. It’s happening for me.
Every trigger is an opportunity to heal fear and choose love.
Fear Blocks Love and Trust
When we move into fear, love cannot be present. And when love is absent, God cannot be present either.
Fear disconnects us from trust. It pulls us out of faith and into control, blame, and resistance. In those moments, our belief that life is unfolding exactly as it should disappears.
Spirituality, however, invites us to remember a deeper truth: growth often arrives through discomfort.
Spirituality isn’t about never getting triggered. It’s about what we do when we are.
Do we react, judge, and blame?
Or do we slow down, turn inward, and respond with compassion?
Each moment gives us a choice—fear or love, reaction or awareness. That choice, made again and again, is where spirituality truly lives.
Ready to Deepen Your Healing?
If you’re ready to shift from fear to love and transform the way you communicate, I invite you to explore Family Retreats, Couples Retreats or a Mother Daughter Retreat, or look into Mentoring sessions with Sedona Soul Retrieval. Reach out today to begin creating more peace, clarity, and connection in your relationships. I also work with parents and teens.
Sign up for a Free Consult and explore what Love, Peace and Awakening can look like for you.
Warmly Debra
by Debra | Mar 30, 2026
How to tell the difference between real healing
or spiritual bypassing
There is a lot being said right now in the spiritual and personal growth space about letting go, rising above, and not identifying with the ego.
And while there is truth in that… There is also confusion, because not everything that looks like healing, is healing. Sometimes, it’s bypassing.
What Is Spiritual Bypassing, Really?
Spiritual bypassing isn’t just one thing. It’s not just a concept—it can be a pattern of avoiding our feelings through many different practices that appear to be leveling up or waking up.
It can show up in many forms:
- spiritual teachings through gurus
- religious beliefs
- personal development work
- even in recovery spaces like Alcoholics Anonymous
Bypassing is anything we use on the outside to avoid going inside.
It sounds like:
- “Just let it go”
- “It’s all ego”
- “The world is an illusion”
- “stay positive to vibe high”
And again—those ideas can be true on a certain level.
But if they are used to avoid what you are actually feeling…they stop being healing
and start becoming disconnection.
Why Understanding Isn’t the Same as Healing
You can understand something logically or spiritually…
…and still be triggered emotionally.
You can say: “This is just my ego”…but still feel:
- hurt
- reactive
- defensive
- overwhelmed
That’s because feelings don’t come from nowhere.
They come from:
- your emotional body
- your belief systems
- your past experiences
And those don’t shift just because you push it away and tell yourself a new thought.
You Are Not Here to Override Your Feelings
Yes, there is a perspective that says:
“The world is an illusion.”
But you are still here having a human experience.
And in that experience:
- your feelings matter
- your reactions are information
- your patterns are pointing to something
Healing is not just saying the right spiritual words.
An important part of healing is understanding:
- Why do I feel this way?
- What belief is underneath this?
- What is this trying to show me?
We are still in the physical body for a reason- to see and utilize our triggers, understand where they are coming from, and then consciously choose to make shifts to find our way back to love.
What Real Healing Actually Looks Like
Real healing is not about staying stuck in our wounds.
It’s about being willing to work with them.
It looks like:
- noticing your triggers instead of denying them
- taking responsibility for your reactions
- exploring the beliefs driving your behavior
- allowing emotions to be named, felt and moved, instead of suppressing them
Over time, this creates real change—not just temporary relief.
A Grounded Way to Look at “High Vibe” and “Low Vibe”
There is a lot of talk about vibration.
But let’s simplify it in a real, grounded way.
Low vibration is not about having feelings.
It’s about how you show up inside those feelings.
Low vibe can look like:
- being self-centered or self-serving
- not considering how your actions impact others
- staying in blame
- avoiding responsibility
- not being willing to look at yourself honestly
High vibration isn’t pretending everything is fine.
It’s:
- self-awareness
- taking responsibility and being accountable for our actions and where we fall short
- emotional honesty
- and the willingness to grow
The Difference in One Sentence
Spiritual bypassing says: “This shouldn’t be here.”
Real healing says: “This is here—for my higher learning to heal.”
If you’ve ever found yourself trying to “rise above” something that still feels active inside of you…
Pause.
You’re not doing it wrong. You may simply be at a place where something deeper is asking for your attention.
That’s not dysfunction. That’s the doorway to real healing!
At Sedona Soul Retrieval, we help you reclaim the parts of yourself that learned love must be earned. Through guided healing and embodied presence, you can release inherited family beliefs and reconnect with your innate belonging. We aren’t here to “fix” you—we are here to help you remember who you are.
Ready to Break the Cycle?
Whether you are navigating a difficult partnership or a mother-daughter estrangement, healing begins with awareness.
Schedule a Free Consultation Here to explore retreat options or individual mentoring. Let’s transform your relationships together with awareness and love.
Warmly, Debra
by Debra | Feb 23, 2026
Healing the Wound of Rejection: How to Choose Yourself
Feeling excluded, overlooked, or rejected cuts deeply. Often, the pain feels far bigger than the current moment. This is because these experiences do more than hurt in the present—they awaken an ancient ache inside us.
For many, exclusion reinforces a heavy, long-held belief: “Something is wrong with me,” “I am not lovable,” or “I am not enough.” At Sedona Soul Retrieval, we don’t see this as a flaw. We see it as an old wound asking for your compassion and care.
The Hidden Roots of Exclusion
The pain of rejection rarely starts in adulthood. It usually takes root much earlier in subtle, invisible ways.
Perhaps you grew up in a family where love felt conditional, or where your parents constantly compared you to others. Maybe your emotional needs went unnoticed while you played the role of the “peacemaker” or the “quiet child.” Over time, your nervous system reached a quiet conclusion: I must not be enough as I am.
This belief doesn’t vanish with age. Instead, it waits for moments that seem to confirm it.
How This Wound Shapes Your Life
If this old belief remains active, it quietly dictates how you show up in relationships:
-
In Families: You may feel hurt more deeply than others when old dynamics resurface.
-
In Friendships: You might realize you are always the one reaching out or staying silent to avoid “rocking the boat.”
-
In Romance: This wound can cause you to chase love, settle for unavailable partners, or confuse intensity with intimacy.
This doesn’t mean you are broken. It simply means an old survival strategy is still trying to protect you.
The Turning Point: Reclaiming Your Worth
Healing begins when you shift the question. Instead of asking, “Why didn’t they choose me?” you gently ask, “Where am I not choosing myself?”
Choosing yourself isn’t about pushing people away. It means:
-
Honoring your feelings without judgment.
-
Setting boundaries without over-explaining.
-
Staying present with discomfort instead of chasing validation.
Many people misunderstand acceptance. They think it means approving of mistreatment. In reality, acceptance means seeing the truth clearly. When you recognize that someone cannot meet you emotionally, you realize their rejection is information, not a verdict on your worth.
You Are Already Chosen
The deepest healing happens when you realize you don’t need the “vote” of your family, your partner, or your past. Your own presence chooses you.
At Sedona Soul Retrieval, we help you reclaim the parts of yourself that learned love must be earned. Through guided healing and embodied presence, you can release inherited family beliefs and reconnect with your innate belonging. We aren’t here to “fix” you—we are here to help you remember who you are.
Ready to Break the Cycle?
Whether you are navigating a difficult partnership or a mother-daughter estrangement, healing begins with awareness.
Schedule a Free Consultation Here to explore retreat options or individual mentoring. Let’s transform your relationships with awareness and love.
Warmly, Debra
by Debra | Sep 7, 2015
When we look at the question of, what is a healthy relationship, it may differ from person to person although most of us will have the same core list of non-negotiables. So maybe this is where we should start.
What are your non-negotiable items on your list for being in a relationship?
- Must have integrity. That means no lying. What if your partner doesn’t know they are lying? If someone isn’t being honest with themselves, they can’ be honest with you. So, this leads me to the next item.
- Must be doing psychological work. This enables them to know themselves and know when they are lying to themselves and therefore know when they are lying to you.
- Knows there is something bigger them themselves. They need to have their Ego or Inner child under wraps. This requires doing psychological work.
- Must be compassionate, kind, and loving. This also takes doing their psychological work. If they aren’t, they will judge and beat themselves up, and therefore judge and beat you up. Ouch, that’s not loving!
- Must have a spiritual practice. A spiritual practice combined with a psychological practice is key. Meditation, etc. without doing the inner child work will not help them learn how to not react to their triggers.
- Needs to be physically, financially and emotionally responsible. Again, I hate to be redundant but if they are stuck in one of these areas and they not doing their psychological work, then they may always be stuck in that area.
Are you getting the picture? If you’re not doing your psychological work, you won’t be able to be in a healthy relationship. If one of you is and the other isn’t, it will be impossible to have a healthy relationship. Why, you ask? Because the person not doing their work will project, blame, or won’t own their issues or wounding. This is where a spiritual retreat is critical.
A more direct list might look like this:
- Respectful
- Integrity
- Loyal
- Passionate about life
- Caring
- Forgiving
- Dependable
- Generous
- Patient
- Non-Judgmental
- Affectionate
- Authentic
- Expresses feelings
This is a list of what might be non-negotiable. If you look at this list, you will realize that if someone isn’t doing their psychological work, these will be hard to achieve. So, the message here is do your psychological work so you can have a healthy relationship with your partner, your kids, parents, friends and co-workers.
by Debra | Jun 22, 2015
Everyone has different fears and everyone handles their fears differently. The first thing we have to do is look at what triggers our fears, then we can see how we behave when they come up.
What are you afraid of?
- Someone close dying
- Health issues
- Your partner leaving you
- Being alone
- Not being successful
- Money issues
- Aging
- How people perceive you
- Not being loved
These are a few of the issues that you could have fear around. I think we might all have a twinge of fear around most of these but what we are looking for are the big fears that makes us run for the hills. The fears you really want to look at are the ones that make you want to medicate the feelings so you don’t feel them.
When we come up against our fears we have a tendency to run away from the feeling the fears give us. We medicate our feelings so we don’t have to feel them.
Let’s take a look at what we might use to medicate our feelings so that we don’t have to feel them.
Medicators
- Alcohol
- Drugs
- Relationships
- Being busy
- Working
- Shopping
- Talking
- Smoking
- Gambling
Do you get the picture?
You may need a spiritual retreat to help you understand your fears and medicators.
We are so conditioned to not feel our feelings that when they come up, we check out either physically or emotionally. Maybe your parents told you “it wasn’t that bad,” or “don’t be a baby,” or maybe no one in the family ever talked about feelings. Was the yelling and fighting so bad you never want to go there again? There could be many reasons why you stuffed your feelings. What we want to learn is how to be with our feelings, to actually learn how to embrace them.
To embrace our feelings, we have to let them come up and just be with them and not medicate them away. Look at them, how they make our bodies feel and what emotions come up with them. If it’s utter sadness, feel it, explore it, and sit with it until it moves through you, even if it’s horrific. Believe me, if you aren’t medicating your feelings, they can seem unbearable! It’s at this point if you stay with yourself, and don’t run from what you’re feeling, your life will shifts miraculously.
It’s amazing what you learn about yourself through this process. It’s also amazing what fears you overcome by going through this process.
This isn’t easy!
You will get see where your addictions lie. The urge to medicate will be extreme, trust me. You will need a support system. A spiritual retreat may be the support you need. I believe we all need teachers/mentors in our life. We have blind spots that only someone on the outside can see.
by Debra | May 4, 2015
Happiness seems to be something we are all trying our best to achieve. One way or another we want to:
- Avoid pain and gain pleasure
- Avoid criticism and get praise
- Avoid disgrace and have fame
- Avoid loss and achieve gain
Is it possible to be happy and never be sad?
The problem is, life is a roller coaster ride of ups and downs. We can’t experience pleasure without experiencing pain. We are always grasping for feeling good, not bad, and this just isn’t possible living in the real world. Things are going to happen in life that are disturbing and things are going to happen that put a big smile on our face.
In my individual retreat you will learn to see what you are clinging to and what you are trying to avoid. You will get to explore these parts of you that make you suffer, the old beliefs that are keeping you stuck.
What makes you feel good and what makes you feel bad?
I was talking with a client the other day and she was having difficulty with allowing herself to actually just be with her feelings of sadness. First off, she didn’t want to feel them, and secondly she felt weak for having them. Because she had guilt and shame around feeling sad, she would medicate to not feel them. Cleaning her house was her medicator. I can certainly think of worse medicators, but non-the-less it is an avoidance of feeling.
Why are we so opposed to feeling our feelings?
We avoid feeling our feelings because it’s so totally uncomfortable. Our mind goes off into our story, we start feeling crummy, and then it settles in our body. We might get a stomachache, headache, or not be able to eat. The feelings permeate our physical body. This is why we avoid them. There is nothing comfortable about feelings of sadness, loneliness, or hopelessness, etc. Sometimes feelings of anger feel good in the moment because they cover up the real feeling of sadness. Once we are done with our anger we will usually be left with the raw feelings of sadness.
In my individual retreat you get to explore your feelings and why they come up and learn how to be with them without feeling like you might die. Sometimes the feelings are so overwhelming that you will feel like you are dying.
Hence the avoidance!
The problem with avoiding your feelings is you never shift your old belief causing the feelings. So, you might as well get your hands dirty and start looking at your stuff. When we look at what causes the feelings, we give ourselves the attention and care we need to do our healing work and actually diminish the heat that is in the feelings.
Are you ready to make a shift in your life and start facing your feelings? My individual retreat will give you the opportunity to be in a nurturing environment, working one-on-one, shifting your old beliefs, feeling your feelings, and changing your life.
How to tell the difference between real healing
Healing the Wound of Rejection: How to Choose Yourself
