by Debra | Sep 28, 2015
Do you have good communication skills?
Do you say what you mean?
Do you listen or are you thinking about what you are going to say next?
Are you afraid to speak your truth?
Have you listened to most people communicate? Their communication may sound a bit cryptic. They may think they are expressing their needs, but is their message clear?
If we go deeper into our needs, we will notice that our surface level communication does not address our real concerns or needs. Let’s look at an example of what I am talking about.
You and your partner have planned an evening out to go to dinner and you both just got home from work. You say to your partner, “Are you going to take a shower?” He says yes, and off he goes into the bathroom. You are feeling a bit anxious because when you don’t eat on a regular schedule, your blood levels drop a bit and you start to feel sick. Do you think your partner knows how you feel? No, he thinks you just wanted to know if he was taking a shower. A better way to communicate your needs would have sounded more like this. “I was wondering how long it is going to take you to get ready because I may need to eat a small snack before we go, so that I don’t get a blood sugar crash and feel crummy. I’m really looking forward to our evening together and it would disappoint me to feel bad.”
Pretty obvious which one communicates your needs better, right? We do this all the time. Our partners and the people in our lives cannot read our minds and understand what our concerns and needs are unless we tell them. Unless we are aware of what our main concerns are with ourself, we won’t be able to convey them to anyone else.
The key to helping your partner understand you is:
- Pause before you speak.
- Think about what your needs are.
- Think about what the clearest way to express them would be.
- Communicate them clearly.
Most arguments start because of a lack of clarity in communication. My clients will often complain that their partner says, “I’m not a mind reader.” So, help your partner understand you and show up for you by communicating clearly.
by Debra | Sep 7, 2015
When we look at the question of, what is a healthy relationship, it may differ from person to person although most of us will have the same core list of non-negotiables. So maybe this is where we should start.
What are your non-negotiable items on your list for being in a relationship?
- Must have integrity. That means no lying. What if your partner doesn’t know they are lying? If someone isn’t being honest with themselves, they can’ be honest with you. So, this leads me to the next item.
- Must be doing psychological work. This enables them to know themselves and know when they are lying to themselves and therefore know when they are lying to you.
- Knows there is something bigger them themselves. They need to have their Ego or Inner child under wraps. This requires doing psychological work.
- Must be compassionate, kind, and loving. This also takes doing their psychological work. If they aren’t, they will judge and beat themselves up, and therefore judge and beat you up. Ouch, that’s not loving!
- Must have a spiritual practice. A spiritual practice combined with a psychological practice is key. Meditation, etc. without doing the inner child work will not help them learn how to not react to their triggers.
- Needs to be physically, financially and emotionally responsible. Again, I hate to be redundant but if they are stuck in one of these areas and they not doing their psychological work, then they may always be stuck in that area.
Are you getting the picture? If you’re not doing your psychological work, you won’t be able to be in a healthy relationship. If one of you is and the other isn’t, it will be impossible to have a healthy relationship. Why, you ask? Because the person not doing their work will project, blame, or won’t own their issues or wounding. This is where a spiritual retreat is critical.
A more direct list might look like this:
- Respectful
- Integrity
- Loyal
- Passionate about life
- Caring
- Forgiving
- Dependable
- Generous
- Patient
- Non-Judgmental
- Affectionate
- Authentic
- Expresses feelings
This is a list of what might be non-negotiable. If you look at this list, you will realize that if someone isn’t doing their psychological work, these will be hard to achieve. So, the message here is do your psychological work so you can have a healthy relationship with your partner, your kids, parents, friends and co-workers.
by Debra | Apr 13, 2015
Are you looking for the perfect retreat? Sedona is a great place to come for one because of the healing powers of the Red Rocks.It’s just a matter of picking a retreat that resonates with you. There are a lot of different spiritual retreats in Sedona, Arizona. Picking the one that is perfect for you could be challenging. First make a list of what you are looking for, then call different places up and interview them. Most people that come to my retreats say that they knew after my FREE consult that my retreat was the one for them.
Let’s look a few different ones!
Here is a short list of just a few:
- Individual or group
- Intensive or rejuvenating
- Alone or with your partner
- Silent or interactive
- Touching on core beliefs or going deeper and shifting them
- Yoga
Let’s look at all of these factors and this might help you make a better decision on which one is right for you.
Individual or Group
I have been in many group retreats and workshops, and, although they are great, they never seem to be sustainable. Some of my clients and myself have had similar experiences with group retreats. The experience is very powerful and you feel great when you leave, and then about a week later you always seem to slip back into your old patterns.
This is the main reason why I decided to create and facilitate individual retreats. With one-on-one attention we can get to the core issues faster and actually learn and practice the techniques to solidify the changes in you for sustainable results.
Aren’t sustainable results what we are looking for?
Are you tired of the same patterns resurfacing over and over in your life? Maybe you are looking to really get to know yourself at a much deeper level, to have a complete shift in perspective. An intensive would give you the space to really explore who you are. Are you looking to go deeper into your process and get results fast, that will last? This is not faint-at-heart!
The Sedona Soul Retrieval Retreats are for you if you’re looking to unhook from life because your job, family, or health has taken a toll on you, and you’re looking to come and relax and recuperate. We live in a very high-stimulus world, and sometimes we just need peace and quiet.
My individual rejuvenating retreat is a great time to be alone, unhook from life’s pressures and be pampered through massage, meditation, time on the land, and other relaxing modalities. Spiritual retreats in Sedona, Arizona are known to help the healing process because of its sacred land.
Whether you do either of these retreats alone or with a partner, the results will be totally effective. In all of my retreats you will have moments of silence and interaction. Whatever your needs are, I can create your retreat to fit them.
People have been holding spiritual retreats in Sedona, Arizona because Sedona is known to activate the healing process, offering nurturing and embracing energy for the healing work of the heart. It is great for setting intentions, gaining clarity, and starting new ventures. No matter what your reasoning, it is likely that your spiritual journey will be deepened and you will connect to new and meaningful parts of yourself.
